"Who Am I? Who Was I?" I Feel So Lost.

Lyme Disease has me asking this question a lot.
Nicholas Sparks answers it in his novel, The Notebook:



"You are Hannah, a lover of life, a strength to those who shared in your friendships. You are a dream, a creator of happiness, an artist who has touched a thousand souls. You've led a full life and wanted for nothing because your needs are spiritual and you have only to look inside you. You are kind and loyal, and you are able to see beauty where others do not. You are a teacher of wonderful lessons, a dreamer of better things."


And then in the same novel, but now from Walt Whitman,


"Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost,
No birth, identity, form - no object of the world,
Nor life, nor force, nor any visible thing; ...
The body, sluggish, aged, cold - the embers left from earlier fires,
... shall duly flame again;"

From Too Much To Give, to Tattered Ruins

Relationships.

Relationships. This Lyme thing is killing mine. Or at least while the antibiotics kill the bacteria, the subsequent toxins kill my ability to remember who I am in my relationships, how to behave in them, and judge what to do about them.

My frequent internal mantra lately is "I'm not meant to be in a relationship right now."

Look out: that means You ex-husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, mom & dad, children, security officer at work, Dunkin Donuts' order taker, stupid bird chirping this morning...

My personal life feels like it's going to become like the ancient roman ruins. (...at least the birds will still visit...)

What to do?! I'd ask for your suggestions, but undoubtedly, that could get ugly. ...Don't say I didn't warn ya.